My good friend Priviledge,

My ribs should be broken. That would justify the amount of pain now constantly rocking through them. But they aren't broken... just agitated I suppose. How like life.
Yours is an issue of security, you must find security in those who have the most security in themselves. For the sake of one she must abandon the other. And that choice prompts her to abandon her current security. And that, you must know, scares her to death. Because as much as you can want something, you always fear what you don't understand, what you can't predict. And you Priviledge, are a one without that prospect of security other than the promise of everlasting love. And you must also place your security in the unknown, your faith poured into the hope, not the promise, that she will eventually choose you and you will find your happiness.
As to the other, her security lies in the fact that as much as she is exists in a living hell, the hell provides for her, and for you. And as much as she may want to abandon the hell, she doesn't know if she'll survive without it. It's an exchange you see. In a trade between persons. She endures his hell and recieves the security that she will be provided for. Emotional payment for material gain. You've been there haven't you priviledge? It's a whorish existence but the prospect of losing it terrifies her. You have to admit that given the option you wouldn't simply up and jump ship either. If it were the case, you would have already done so. And you can't do that. Nor can she. You again must place your security in the hope that eventually she will find a way to displace him and allow you to find your freedom.
Priviledge, your is a world where you are chained to the bonds of others. To everyone with which you are connected, you are restricted by their restrictions. Dependant on their security, and ultimately, very much without your own. Such is the case with dependance. Such is the demand of patience. Find your own security within yourself, and hold to that. I'm always here. And always ready to listen. My securities lie within the limits of my time and nothing else. For such is the case with freedom...

My Dearest Priviledge,

Tomorrow the OP departs at- you guessed it: 1600 hours. The team will travel for a few hours to a remote locale and engage. As much as I'm tired of the fighting, I do like this kind of battle better. The ones where you travel and attack the enemy, rather than sit there and wait for them to come to you at any unknown time. There are only eleven of us left in this detachment. The rest are out due to either psysical damage, or psychological strain. Some people can't take it. And I can understand the ones who were injured. The body is a fragile enough thing and the last time we engaged, our adversaries fired off a great deal of cruel and punishing shots. Heger took a major hit in the arm and they wrapped that thing so thick I think he must have gained twelve pounds just on bandage. McGury is out after his heart started to give. Walker still looks like a Nazi Internment Camp victim. I've seen and spilled my own share of blood. That's just the way it goes in this place I guess. No one has died yet though, I guess that's a plus. But taking your team from thirty to eleven members in the three months since we've been at this fight doesn't ring much of fidelity on our part. I'm still here.

Tomorrow around the same time, you'll be heading in the opposite direction, which is where you should be. If you make it out of the city by the time we do, you'll make good time and probably make it without much trouble. You'll find yourself riding with others at full clip south towards Dallas to see your father, whom I've heard misses you very much. ...

Everything changes so quickly doesn't it? I guess its a matter of who's reality you live in. You know that you don't remember me being who I am now. You remember something rather different. But you don't complain. I suppose to you, such a thing would make enough sense. We all live in the here and now anyway. To me you're the one that's always changing. Every day I wander and wonder who you'll be today. And for every change, the image of me in your mind morphs into a new unfamilliar creature, that is... if I exist at all. You change to me, I change to you. Sometimes I wonder which of us is the real schizophrenic. I choose not to worry much about it.

I pray you a safe journey to your father. ... If you were reading this, I'd ask you to wish me luck, but you're not... 

I find myself alone again, walking indifferently down this familiar crowded hall to the places we were. The doors are open, the sun's light dancing through the glass in an attempt to enter gloriously, the rain-scented breeze filling my lungs so uncharictaristically of this season. I slowly close my eyes and I can see you. This is the only way I can ever feel you... in my mind. I caress you with my thoughts, showing you in questions as you try in sheer futility to answer. My heart isn't sinking, isn't soaring... It's simply waiting here in patient anxiety, anticipating what may blast it into shards or mend the wounds that slowly drain me of emotion. Am I crazy for feeling your uniquely smooth fingers on my shoulders, as if I'm being melted into you, though I'm standing here alone? I can still taste that final kiss on my lips, so empty, tired, and regretful of what it was, even as it was becoming what it became. I don't believe I've ever seen reality as clearly as this. I see you in the humble darkness, your flawed perfection, your beautiful atrocities. And i know the freedom that binds you is the bondage that frees you. I open my eyes and return to this frightening masquerade for which you've so convincingly disguised yourself. Why are you trying to write your story on a different sky? Don't you know? You are meant to glimmer amidst the opaque darkness. You're a fool, trying hide yourself in the translucence of the clouds that encircle the sun. Her afternoon sky seeks only to expose you as someone you are not, and in doing so convince you that her lie is truth. return once more to the clear, cool night sky and let the pain-filled darkness experience and reveal who you are... an intricately pieced-together grace of colors and lights, only showing its beauty and fulfilling its purpose in the black. As I step into the commons, I can hardly recognize you for all the make-up and costume. You'll be yourself soon enough. The rain will come to gently cleanse you of this blasphemous disguise. I'll be here, to dry you, to clothe you, and too feed you when you come back home.

Tonight at the house where I’ve gone to repent of my sins and renew my contract with happiness, I saw you smiling, blissful and oblivious. Six years old and absolutely content. You’d drawn a picture. And you showed it to her. Said that you’d made it for her and that you’d worked very hard on it. She smiled and told you it was beautiful. And it was…
I watched you giggle and run back to your toys and fun like a child does. And I receded, the sound of your playful laughter echoing in my head, into memories that have yet to occur. You shook me Privilege. Seeing you there… daughter that you were, and I missing you so badly that it stung in my gut… But you didn’t know. You never know me when I see you again… Sometimes I wish I could go back, or forward, or anywhere in this twisted timeline that brings you back to me… Sometimes you’re there, and sometimes you’re not. You smiled at me all the same. I told you the picture was beautiful. And at that you smiled in a modest embarrassment, blushing. I was introduced to you all the same tonight. And shortly after I left I know you forgot my very existence. That’s the way it goes…
Someday I’ll get you back. April. In a sunny day in the spring… your birthday- remember? Cake on my face and you giggling up a storm. Someday… I’ll find you again.

"Hey look at this. John- You watch and make sure those two aren't moving. Look here. This document and the next one here- happened just three days ago. Wright got it for us."
"...My God, she going to get herself killed."
"No kidding. Her and everyone she's connected with. We have to sever those ties. Or she's going to finally get to him, and he's going to snap."

Dear Priviledge,

I have to know, before we unleash this hell. I have questions that need to be answered. I can't seem to wrap my mind, around your mind. So I'm going to try and get inside your mind, if you don't mind. I'll be honest with you. You're out of control. And that's really why we're doing this. But before they come in here, walk through those doors and lay everything out. Pull all your files and fantasies and effectively dismantle your world brick by brick- I wanted to give you the chance that I owed you.
What was it? This violent crashing back and forth between people. Just... kept changing your mind? Or maybe you didn't know, couldn't make up your mind. You learned that people are not mannequines, they don't change inside based upon their disguise. But equally they aren't to be toyed with at leisure. You had to know this was coming, eventually, all the clashing components of the world you've been building had to collapse. Today is that day. And all we want to know is- why?
Probably the most useless of questions. I know that. And I've been there before, where you are now. And the world I built fell apart also because like yours, it wasn't real.
Priviledge, you're not real. There's no substance to your existence. It's paper thin, like air, and equally as fragile. We are the fire. That's all. I hate to do this. But it's going to help you, if you really want it to. We taking your life, the fake outer matter upon which you built your security, and we're burning it. You're still in there somewhere. I've felt you in there. And I want you to be free but you've been chaining yourself with this tapestry of allowances for so long that you can't get yourself out. And you're hurting those around you.
Your is the story of a bright, successful and amazingly talented being who has every potential out there and no one could doubt that you will get what you want out of life. But you don't know what that is Priviledge. You don't know who you are! You know what? I've been there, and it swallows you.
You're the best of the best. There's not a group out there who ever caught you as you played them. You are the one with three thousand faces. I've seen you change so quickly it was as if you didn't even exist five seconds before. You're a fading existence and you're fading because you aren't anchored to any truth. And it allows you a comfort, and a numb coldness towards people.
But people aren't a cost-benefit analysis, Priviledge. And we're putting a stop to this current spiral. ... Why did you do it?
Just trying to survive. I know you've been hurt. I know the extent of your world. It ends at touching people. Keep them close enough to be useful, and no closer, because they might hurt you, and in order to survive in this game, you have to be more cutthroat than they are, because they're out to get you, everyone is out to get you, and you're just trying to survive...
Yours is the saddest of stories. You're efforts to survive have resulted in your own slow and painful suicide. And its now out of your control. You were taught this world, and it has become a part of you. So attached that in order to remove this disease we may have to kill the host. But believe me Priviledge- I do care about you, because for our equalities we are bound to each other, and I would not be here if I didn't believe with all my heart that there was a chance you could be saved through all of this. I'm not against you, I'm doing this for you. You're in there somewhere, but the outside has become black and infected. And the outer must be burned away before we can get to you. Before you can be released... I'm so sorry... I didn't want it to be this way. But it has to.

"Good God... I don't know if I can do this."
"You have to. Same reason God created Hell."
"What's that?"
"If He didn't something far worse would happen. It'll be alright..."
"Sunday, one pm in the fourth corridor?"
"Fourth corridor. It ends there."