Dear Privilege,

My name is John. John Michael Kane. So far its been… curious. Between the one of me and two of you. I’ve gotten to the point that I can almost always tell you to two apart. I have considered offering the chance to create with you a new reality. One exclusive to us. I know that this may sound a bit confusing, but in my life, the creation of a new world is not so uncommon.
It would be a simple one. Nothing too advanced really. Not many things begin advanced. In fact I think I’ve only ever started one world as a third level. And that didn’t seem to work out so well.
For the past two months, you two have been taking absurd notice of this walking shell, this structure. And I have equally noticed the notice. Curiosity in my position being the duplicate factor. There are many possible worlds here. Feels almost like shopping honestly. I’m going to pose the question then: Will you join me and build another new reality? I am curious as to who I will be, what being I will create in such a world. Will you join me and become a world builder?
Like I said, I’ve almost gotten to the point that I can tell you apart. Almost. One of you seems to exhibit more outgoing characteristics. The other of yourself being somewhat more shy. What a test that would be.
Since I discovered the ability to generate new realities on a whim, the creation of new worlds, I have wondered about a great many possibilities. I suppose if this is to work, I’ll have to explain it to you… I’ll write you a letter. Until then, I hope you’ll accept the offer Privilege. I do very much hope.

My Dearest Privilege,

I don’t know how to start this really. We had a good talk last night right? You spoke and I spoke and we both said good things to each other right? Just like it’s… supposed to be. That day, I know, was supposed to be our very special day. Our own. And perfect. And it was my job to make it so. And… what happened? Right? You did your share, you worked your side and me? I just… slipped up didn’t I?
What can I say but the obvious? What facts can I state that will make any of that less frustrating to you? What manner of explanation, what excuse for my actions can I bring in defense? None. Because there is nothing but the obvious, there are no other facts, I have no explanation and cannot make excuses. You wonder… And do you wonder if I notice? Do you care if I did? Would you are that I cared? Or is it beyond that now…
Privilege. I have lost so much in the transition, my own becoming, my own destruction. I have lost so many natural, normal things that I had before. The things you so much enjoyed. And I struggle finding them again. Where are they? I cannot know. My assumption is that I may have accidentally destroyed them along with the world we created when I dismantled it so long ago. Along with that part of myself. When one destroys a world, that part of oneself, is destroyed also. And you have seen it. That’s why things can’t immediately be the same, just as I told you. The fire… where has it gone now? You wonder… And I take it all upon myself! Even within it, I always did. And yet I cannot find the heart I gave to you, I’m stumbling around in the darkness without a light knowing only what I am searching for, and never what I am finding. Is this it? No. Could it be this? No. The darkness having closed upon the realm that I once understood creating with its presence a writhing mass of trials and errors. And the errors strike you. And the errors are on my part. And you wonder- where have I gone?
That was to be our day. That was to be our night. And I offered beyond what I could afford. Which was… almost, nothing. And that nothing struck you. And you wondered. Because when you returned home, you received a phone call as you always receive a phone call. I have been so sinkingly considerate of the one who speaks on the end of that phone. I dare not speak a word of him. I dare not question a single act or action. I dare not breathe ill in that direction. For I am a one in debt to you, and to him. And cannot step between.
The contrast you find there. An escape from a tormented façade? A reality that you thought would be different than the reality that is? The one where I exist? Supposed to be our special day right? And I could not compete… And as such, you wondered. You wondered then and before then and you wonder now and will wonder until something either goes very wrong and perhaps right for you, or very right and I can begin to repay my debts. As they continue to pile ceaselessly around me.
I cannot be there all the time but I can be there when you desperately need. I cannot be that superhero, but I do still try. I cannot compete with what I do not have. I am not the one I once was, but I am sincere… As it is… I have nothing more than that. If you choose otherwise, I understand. I do so powerfully understand. But for your sake. I will pretend that I do not.

Dear Priviledge,

Well wasn't today a wierd day. I mean we made eye contact and everything. We haven't done that since last year. God bless you and all Priviledge, but a warm welcome comes only when you welcome the gesture. I'm still here and all... always will be. Till the friend you've been lying to swallows your hatred as his own and kills me. Best of luck with that. Have a nice life Priviledge. Have a wonderful freaking life.

Dear Priviledge Sir.

Your request for an applicable reply to your recent letter has been denied. And you will not be receiving anything of that nature at this time. However, so as to not cause dissatisfaction or inadequacy to be conveyed through this document, I will tell you a story.

There once was a man. He was born a very long time ago into the world. Now the world was a horrible place. And it would remain so for the rest of eternity. The ‘world’ in fact was destined to become a cliché. Earth was the same of the planet. But ‘the world’ would be forever used to describe the Earth’s unrighteous people and habits. And this poor man was born into it. As we all are.
This ‘world’ thing existing somewhat delicately on this Earth was no one single thing. But everyone agreed it was a problem. Somehow… Now the righteous one’s of earth had themselves a field day trying to figure out what exactly this whole world thing was up to. I mean after all there was so much to cover. The earth was home. The world was a banished thing that must be held at arms length and crossed fingers. Finally they put the fingers down and decided that they might as well get all riled up and FIGHT the world for the way of the world.
Now every good homegrown Christian knows that the way of the world leads to death and destruction. And are to avoid it at all costs. The earth found itself in the midst of a tumult of war, not fought with guns and grenades but with policy and politics. And the world, it its infinite craftiness would constantly shapeshift itself so that those good and righteous homegrown Christians fighting could never really deal with all of it.
And so the battle raged on. The earth saw the world and those fighting to destroy it cycle through so many faces and phases. For years the world was ‘drugs and alcohol’ and we fought that till the end. Then it was ‘abortion’ and we raged against that as well, abandoning the drugs and alcohol for a bigger issue. Then the world changed again and we fought hard against merely ‘teen pregnancy.’ This we battled with a sordid combination of abstinence drills and statistics about every sort of “protection” one can imagine.
These battles, all a tiny part of a much bigger war of the worlds across the face of earth became more and more violent. People began to forget why they were fighting and merely began to attack everything that resembled the ‘world.’
Modern Day – Battles in the thousands. New Face of the World: Homosexuality. And the fight cycled and began and to this day rages in hot and dastardly strikes enemy to enemy, brother to brother. The world my friend is winning. Not because they were destined to win. But because the Christians born and bred as soldiers to fight the way of the ‘world’ have forgotten that they are not fighting against something, but that they began fighting for something. Now on the playing field we see homosexuals and those… yes those that hate them. With a burning passion they hate them. Because they are the world. And these people have been fighting the world for far too long and are tired of losing to the world. And a great hate wells up within them and they fight in a rage.
But what of that man? That single man who was born so long ago into this world? He saw the fighting and the world and those battling to suppress it and saw the anger rising in his own people and said to them “You’ve got it all wrong! All wrong!” He points his finger skyward and shouts “FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD! THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY SON! THAT WHOEVER IT IS THAT WANTS ETERNAL PERFECT LIFE AND SALVATION NEED ONLY BELIEVE IN HIM AND THEY WILL HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE!”

Priviledge… People are merely blind. And all they need is someone with eye’s to open theirs. But the last thing anyone needs is another hate. And another shouting in the streets about a great new death to the world. God promised the world everlasting life. We are the world, they are the world. “For all have sinned.” God mentions no exclusives. He has not chosen a select group of people to exist on the Alcatraz of hell. It is only that the world has been so many different things. And so many different things have been hated. One day, that will be us. When the world itself has gathered enough to turn and say – “We’re going to finish this fight. And this time, you’re the bad guy.” And then we will be all crushed. In the end. And that is Revelation. And that is history. And that is present. People have merely gotten it wrong because they’ve forgotten. Rest assured. God loves your brother. I love him too. People… don’t understand. Sometimes I think they never will. But again, you can’t stop hoping.
As far as the world is concerned, I feel them all around me, each and every one is different, and yet each and every one is the same. And they all have their horrible faults, and they all have their terrific struggles. And having watched them through all these years, I am not taken by cynicism and disdain as I thought I would be. Rather, I feel them to be... a Priviledge. Each story I encounter, no matter the nature, I consider it a priviledge to have interacted with another soul. Each and every time.

Dear Priviledge,

I once asked you to imagine… the world. Right here in front of the room. Just… floating there.
There are seven billion human beings on this rock, seven billion, and each and every one of them is going straight to hell. Straight-to-hell, every last one of them, except for us of course.
Back home in my church, my pastor once asked a question that got a few amen’s. He said- “Isn’t it comforting to know that out of all the religions in the world, to know, that you’re following the one that’s right?”
In my youth group, we even had this discussion before. We all sat down and marked out all the religions that weren’t going to make it. And we ended up stamping a big old “DOOMED” sticker on 90% of the earth’s population based upon demographics. And as much as that bothered me, at the time, to me, it really did make sense… We were right, they were wrong. And we can’t exactly change them all.
I was raised in a southern Baptist home. My parents are both Christians, and good people. I’ve been in a church every Sunday and Wednesday since I rolled out of the womb. I’ve read and memorized huge amounts of the Bible, I was saved when I was seven years old, I knew all the stories, still know them today. My entire family is Christian, all my friends were Christian, I’m even named after a Biblical figure. No one in my family breathed without God’s say so.
Growing up as I did, it may have been harsh, but yeah, it made sense. They’re going to hell. Judge I was born into religion, it was my entire world.
But recently, my world… has been introducing some new characters. I’ve met more people in the past few months… amazing people. I guess it’s just that time in life. Maybe, new opinions and of course I’m no stranger to other religions, its hard not to be informed these days. Apparently there are more people who believe in more things than I ever imagined. And I always knew they were there you know, I kept the knowledge of their existence in the back of my mind. They’re out there- somewhere. And I’m here. But in the past few months- Them, there, has become Them… here. And I’ve begun to meet with those people that I had only ever heard about before. I’ve met people who believe in God. I’ve met people who believe in many gods, no Gods, people who can’t decide whether there is a God or not. I’ve even met people who believe that they themselves are God, or will become so eventually.
And they don’t like me and my religion. Speaking with these people I’ve heard more about the crusades than in my own world history class! Did you know that way back when, the Christian religion set out on a campaign to Christianize the world and ended up slaughtering over twenty thousand people? And they did it, in the name of God.
Not so uncommon, September eleventh, 2001. A load of Muslin radicals hijack American planes and fly them into the World Trade Center Towers, kill 3,000 people- in the name of God.
Early medieval times, Catholics went to war, to war, over whether when you cross yourself, you should cross to the left, or to the right. People died over that dispute. And they did it- in the name of God. And they did it because they were right. And everyone else- is wrong.
And that’s the way it goes. It happens all the time. I mean, just the other day. It’s morning, I walk into the kitchen for some breakfast, get me a bowl of cereal. And I’m making my cereal and my little brother walks in for a bowl of cereal also and I say to him- “Dude… Cheerios, are amazing.”And he says, “No, Cheerios suck. I’m having Frosted Flakes.”I say, “Whoa, that’s just wrong. Cheerios are definitely better than frosted flakes.”
He turns to me. “You have been deceived brother.”
I say- “No, it is you who have been deceived.”
My brother grabs a fork. “Die pagan!” And he hurls the fork at me! I dodge and snatch a knife from the silverware drawer! He died screaming of my unholy sacrilege.
Now I didn’t want to kill him, but I had to! It had to be done! He actually believed that Frosted Flakes were superior to Cheerios!
Okay. As you might have guessed, that didn’t actually happen. The conversation went quite a bit more like this:
“Dude, Cheerios… are amazing.”
“Cheerios suck, I’m having frosted flakes.”
“Great.”
The-End…
What is it about- religion, that makes an unimportant speck of nothing into a life or death crisis?
Once a long time ago- a man cried out to God to bring Justice to an evil and when he found that the evil was not struck down by a bolt of lightning, had to figure out why the evil was allowed to continue. Because it was all outlined long ago right? Everyone knows about how God is supposed to be, He’s a good God, he doesn’t want evil any more than we do right? Often enough, we are simpleminded enough to base the possibility, and our beliefs in the existence of God, on whether or not what we think should happen- happens.
Why God? Why would you let this happen!? Hello? Hello!! Hey! Are you even up there!?
It’s nearly formulaic. Bad things happen- one prays and it turns in their favor: There is a God. Or- Bad things happen: one prays and nothing alters: There is no God and all the believers are fooling themselves.
Then there are some, who when seeing evil occur and nothing changing decide that fixing the problem is their responsibility. That God himself, herself, or otherwise, is waiting for us to carry out His will. And in the name of God: They went out and fixed the problem themselves. And that- paved the way.
The average insignificant Webster’s dictionary defines “religion” as: “A strong belief in a supernatural power or powers that control human destiny.” Now had I been around and important enough at the time for my opinion to matter and had they asked me at all which they probably wouldn’t have I would have told them honestly what I do believe. Religion is the force which drives mankind to a justification of a barbaric fanaticism that he claims is the will of almighty God
Religion... Unites so many people. It’s like we all join this great club and the people who don’t think that they’re in such a club, the ones who are missing out. I’ve tried to tell them how much fun it is. How they should join a club. But nope. There’s no talking to these people, they don’t care what you have to say- they’re right, and everyone else is wrong. Period.
Sooner or later everyone has to get a grip and make a few decisions about these things. Got to get yourself straightened out, got to take a few steps back, decide what you believe what you really believe. And they have every club in the world out there for you to choose from. And guess what? They’re all right, and everyone else- is wrong. The Christians are right, the Buddhists are right, the Muslims are right praise Allah and the Mormons are right. The Scientologists are right and the atheists are right. Everyone knows they’re right.
Religion is a beautiful thing. It’s like a snowball. The beliefs you hold that define your world. Whatever religion it is- all your little intricacies, and all your faith and truths and evidences and the fact that you are right all forms together like a nice, pure, perfectly round ball of glistening, crystal snow. The idea that conceived it, the wholeness of its structure, the absolute beauty of it…
Snow is only good for three purposes. It’s good for looking at, eating, and throwing at other people. Again, if you think about it… religion does about the same exact thing. Scholars and philosophers look at them. People go to church or mass or the mosque or whatever they go to and get their spiritual food. And then, you go toss it out to other people will normally give a reaction much like having been hit by a wad of cold frosty snow. That’s our job. To bring light to a world shrouded in darkness. To promote your religion, save people, get people’s lives all fixed up.
The world has plenty of snowballs. And they all want to get to the same place. Ah, heaven. That’s the goal. Each one may have their own version of the place but basically that’s where they’re headed. And they want to avoid, the other place… they want to get away from… hell. And they all think they’ve found the way to get to the one, and escape the other. Christianity? It’s Jesus, all the way man! Most of the others figure if you’re a good person all your life and the good outweighs the bad then you get your free ticket in. Kinda like that Santa Clause thing. Be good all year and you get a gift under the tree. Maybe you don’t even believe in heaven. Its okay- you still don’t want to go to hell. No one does. Maybe you don’t believe in that either. I don’t know. I don’t know which snowball you belong to.
Is it the one that’s going to make it? Are you ready for this test? How confident are you in your own beliefs? How sure are you that you’re right? As sure as those fighters in the Middle East? Those people know so strongly that they’ll strap a live explosive onto themselves and set the thing off such is the power of their faith. But are they right? You know what this is about. Truth be told… we can’t all be right. Someone’s got to be wrong. Naturally. How do you know that you’re not the one who’s been mistaken all this time? How do you know?
The funny thing about snowballs is that they can be as pretty and perfect and complete as you like and they can even be a good sturdy snowball and everything about your snowball can make perfect sense, and still be wrong in which case the entire purpose of your life has just to have rolled up a snowball and chucked it into hell. When that happens. All the doctrine, all the devotion and all the effort in the world you put into that religion- mean nothing.
And if that’s the case. The rest of the world, probably about 90%, becomes just a bunch of snowballs in hell, and only one makes it… lucky them huh? How confident are you that its you? How do you know you’re not just as deluded as the next guy? There are people way smarter than all of us here in this room who think they have it figured out and its way different from what you believe. Who’s to say they aren’t right and we’re not wrong? Who decides who makes it, and who doesn’t? In the end… Cause its got to end, people die, that’s the way it goes. Right?
Lets go ahead and freak you out right now. I believe in God. I believe in Him and His existence so strongly that I’d sooner tell you He’s real than say you yourself are. This oratory… for some reason- just became dangerous. Maybe I am deluded. I’m okay. I believe in Him because I’ve felt Him. And power like that doesn’t come from nowhere. I’m no expert on God. I can’t tell you His will, and I won’t. Besides, there seem to be enough people who think they know it. I can’t tell you about God. But I can tell you about people. Planted within each and every person on this planet earth, is the knowledge and the instinct that there is something greater than ourselves- out there, taking place, and we don’t know what it is. That feeling inside of us… demands an explanation. And so we find them, and we create them. We take all that glistening unfulfilled purpose that we feel inside and we roll it up into a perfect little snowball and that, becomes our world, and our explanation for how we got into it.
I think there’s a reason that feeling is put there, inside us. You can try and deny its existence. Say it’s not real. Say you never wondered if there were something bigger than this pathetic planet and the psychos that walk across it. I’m not here to promote a religion. I hate religion and I want no part of it. It’s a creation of man. Judge I’ll be honest with you- this is where I step beyond my bounds. The first time I met God- I spoke to him, in worship, and I experienced something that everyone on this planet is trying to get a taste of- peace… An amazing stillness, a calm that nothing else I’ve ever found can create. Deluded? Maybe I am. I’d gladly go crazy to experience that peace again. Think about your life, what’s it like? Could you stand a taste of that? Am I crazy for wanting more?
I don’t know a whole lot about God. I don’t want to know about God. That’s religion! I want to know God! That way I get that peace and I know His will because when you know God, you’ll be talking to him, and He’s gonna let you hear about it!
And in the end? What’s going to happen? Who gets to decide who makes it and who’s snowball melts? Supposing, at some great end, I stand before God and give an account of my life and there has to be a way to decide where I go, now that I've died and have to go somewhere, is He going to say- "Depart from me you unholy heathen for you were never baptized." Or. "Leave me sinner, you didn't say enough hail Mary’s." Or. "Be cast into darkness pagan, you did not kill an infidel." Or maybe, “Be ye cast into darkness, your wrongs outweighed your rights.”
Be it any one of those things… most of us are pretty much screwed. No, from what I hear, and yep, I’m going to be deluded again, the way you fail and the words that would be said, supposing all of this is theoretically possible of course, is “I never knew you.”
I’ve talked with more “philosophers“, religious leaders, scholars, random people who happen to attend my school who actually kinda know what they’re talking about. I have friends who don’t believe in God now. I have great friends who are Mormon, friends who are agnostic, one who’s Hindu. And plenty from my childhood religion who just don’t know if they believe what they were raised to believe anymore. And you know what? I’m no different than them. They all know they’re right. I’ll admit that I don’t know hardly a thing. They believe what they believe what they believe because of what’s happened to them, same as me. I used to argue a lot about religion. Now… I don't want to know about what I believe in, but who I believe in. God. And it’s given me peace, something that all the snowballs are looking for. But few ever find. I’m me, God is God, I swim in a peace and a desire to love and help people, something not often found. I renounce religion. I believe in God.